Since its the most wonderful time of year, I’ll try my best to keep this post not overly naughty…
PHILLY vs NYG
I have two questions…
1) How’s that 30 trillion dollar defense treating ya NY? I think my boys ran all over y’all on primetime. *evil laugh* Do y’all ever get nervous when you see one of the members of the Giants defense hurt? Like that’s a legit a couple billion dollars laying on the field.
2) Why now? Did we finally decide to play good football after 8 weeks of garbage? How kind of you Philly for finally deciding to show up. I say that with the most love. I’m proud of my Eagles. I’m just confused as to why we stopped playing halfway through the season.
Anyway, how about that D?! Want to know what a sportsgasm is? Easy… Watch the film on Jenkins. If that coverage and those interceptions don’t turn you on, I simply won’t be able to do it for you. Sorry boys.
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) December 24, 2016
CLEVELAND vs SAN DIEGO
Who said Christmas miracles don’t happen?! Merry fricking Christmas Cleveland! Let’s all take a moment of silence for RGIII’s side piece girlfriend and the support she provides for him… I thank her for this win. I mean, what else could possibly be the explanation for this W? It’s surely not the pure talent of whats left of this “football” team… Not the outstanding play calling… OR the awesome coaching staff. Hmmm…
— Robert Griffin III (@RGIII) December 25, 2016
TENNESSEE vs JAX
If y’all think the NFL isn’t rigged, you’re bat shit crazy. Where has this Jags team been hiding?!
Usually the highlight of a Jacksonville game is the view of the pool in the stadium right before a commercial break, but not this week! Perhaps the most exciting game of the day… Even Bortles wasn’t AS boring as he usually is. I mean, he did catch a pass for a TD. BUT calm down tiger, he still doesn’t impress me. He’s just a more experienced version of Osweiler. A bit harsh on the eyes to watch.
How about Robinson though with the OBJ catch? I see ya boy! Where are these play makers coming from? Why have they been missing all season? So many questions that I need answered!
Let’s jump straight to that D. Another great week for Ramsey. This kid really knows exactly how I like it. Beautiful plays back to back. I’m not sure who got me more excited this week, Jenkins or Ramsey. *insert heart eyes here*
And now for another letter from the editor (me)….
BUFFALO vs MIAMI
Dear Bills Mafia,
You’re welcome for the biggest asset to your team that we gave you. McCoy is sick… And your team otherwise, kind of blows.
A pissed off Eagles fan
PS- if you want to give him back, we will give you all of our receivers in exchange.. even the practice squad.
HOUSTON vs CINCI
Someone asked how non Texans fans can stand watching Houston play. Simple. We don’t have a choice when they keep being put on prime time.
Personally, I just switch back and forth between the game and the Halmark channel. This gives me a chance to piece together a corny “this would never fricking happen” Christmas love story with a hot Ben Afflect piece of ass and a few nasty interceptions from Osweiler. Total vomit fest.
Oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!