I had so many requests from Cowboys fans to cover the Dallas game.. Don’t worry, I’ll get to your game! Let me touch on a few basics first…
I’d love to cover a TNF game for you but there hasn’t been one worth watching since week 1. I’m convinced Goodell did this to us on purpose. We bashed the hell out of him last season so he decided to schedule these trash games for primetime showing out of spite.
Miami. Really? Do I have to rip this team every damn week? Landry. 9 points bro? 9? My kicker got me more fantasy points this week. I seriously don’t even turn the TV on Thursday nights anymore. I checked my ESPN app a total of twice that night. Once because I accidentally clicked it (it’s next to my instagram app) the second time just to confirm the blowout and tally up a win on my point spread.
Carolina vs ATL
Well. Good news and bad news for Carolina. Good news, you ALMOST won an award for my trash team of the week! But don’t worry, keep it up and you will for sure take first place next week!
Bad news? Two words. Julio. Jones. This kid ran all over your defense. It was actually embarrassing to watch, almost as embarrassing as your 1-3 division record. You have Cam Newton, who is one of my personal favorite QBs, and one of the best defenses in the league. How does this even happen? Guess that SB got to their heads a bit…… Hmmm.
Arizona vs LA
Wow. Arizona’s D reminds me of my ex, NON EXISTENT. Long, gone and forgotten to say the least. So much for that Arizona team I hyped up. It’s going to take a heck of a lot to make up for these last recent performances. (Again, much like my ex) You let Keenum run all over you! I’m not even going to comment on the offense. You, ARIZONA, are my trash team of the week. When you have an advantage over Seattle you HAVE to take it, especially in this division.
Dallas vs San Fran
Here you go. Just remember, you asked for this…
I started this piece on the first few drives of the game. I was commenting on Dak. However, my brain shifted with that first Niner TD. Let me open with this, your defense got completely ripped apart by San Fran. Yes, San Fran. Lets all take a moment to reflect on that last line.
YOU MADE GABBERT LOOK LIKE BRADY. Let that sink in. Being as I’m a Philly fan, I wouldn’t know what that feels like.. You know, the whole defense getting burned feeling? Your secondary looked like complete garbage, to say the least. BUT. Chin up buttercup, YOU are not my garbage team of the week. Let me take step back and switch angles. So Dak didn’t have the BEST game of his fresh, new career, but he still stood out to me.
Usually I try to behave myself (okay, thats a small lie) but I did get a little loud defending your rookie QB. Dallas fans insist that Romo would have done better. I beg to differ. “Romo would put up more points!” Shut UP and sit all the way DOWN. You know why I like Romo? Because I’m a Philly fan and I know for a fact that Romo will give me more damn points than my own QB. Hello, PICK CITY! Romo puts the ball in the hands of MY team more than my previous QBs did, but that’s none of my business. So, as for me, I’m rolling with Dak. The Dak that still, in week 4, has ZERO interceptions. The Dak that keeps YOUR team relevant. He’s smart, has an amazing eye and does well under pressure for the most part.
I am a huge fan of this year’s rookie QBs. Honestly, they make last years class look like crap. Mariota and Winston should watch film on these kids and take detailed notes.
Oh, you want me to comment on your RB as well? His crop top looks nice. I like him, I’m just waiting. He has potential, but before this Sunday’s game, he hasn’t impressed me enough to write about.
Buffalo vs New England
I’ve said this before, there are only 2 games I would consider betting against Belichick. This game is one of them. I went against Vegas on the spreads and took Buffalo. (Which, I highly recommend to my gamblers) Don’t worry, just like you, I am yet to figure this team out. One week Buffalo will give you their all and play a hell of a game, the next they wake up and decide to pick freaking dandelions on the field. I do know this though, you will almost always get a strong game from them when they play the Patriots. It happens every year. Besides, all the crap Rex talked all week, it was almost impossible for them to take the loss.
Houston vs Tennessee
I tried to make myself get into the Texans game. I really tried guys, but in my best Simon Cowell voice, its a NO from me this week.
Detroit vs Chicago
Is this game really an upset? Its just Detroit being Detroit. Simple as that.
Denver vs Tampa….. NO vs SD……
Neither worth covering. Easy parlay wins. Thank me later.
Geez. Who knew BYE week for me could be so intense!