NFL

Week 3 Recap

Week 3 was definitely an exciting one compared to last week’s upsets..

Let’s start with the Texans. I missed the first half, but as soon as I turned the game on Thursday night, it was just in time to see Houston play Houston ball. Let’s be honest with ourselves, the sports in this city are cursed. Did you honestly expect the Texans to give the Patriots their first loss? It’s the Patriots for Christ’ sake. Belichick can NOT be stopped. (Side note: if you gamble and picked against the Pats, you’re in worse shape than I expected but we will discuss that later.) In fact, I think Houston fans are being a bit too harsh on their team right now. Did they play like shit? Yes, but at then end of the day, it was ONE game. The hardest game they will face. Turn that frown upside down Houston; your Texans will STILL conquer the trashy division, and you will STILL get to have your free Sonic™ slush. (Or as in my case, 40% off on tanning products at Malibu Tan™ the day after a win—see, I do cheer for y’all!)

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Amber Alert……. Has anyone seen the NY Jets? They didn’t show up to their game this week. I’m a little worried. I hope everything is okay!

Sunday upsets for me?

How about Arizona getting their asses handed to them by BUFFALO. Yes, we know, I have a creepy obsession with Rex Ryan, but seriously? I didn’t expect Arizona to play as sloppily as they did. Coming into this season I ranked the Cardinals at the very top (alongside the Steelers and Pats), but it’s Week 3 already, and I’m yet to see that team I hyped up so much. That offense has got to get it together. I’ll give the deserved props to their RB, but that’s all I can do for now.

Cinci, Cinci, Cinci. Why must you do this to me? I don’t care what anybody says, that game was yours, and you blew it. I was really looking forward to the Broncos taking their first loss this week. I liked the Bengals last year, and I still like them this season, but you have to hang in there and pull out with the win.

Miami Dolphins won their game but didn’t cover the spread for me, therefore; they are my trash team winners of the week. You barely beat Cleveland IN OVERTIME! Mind you, a Cleveland who has no QB, NO Coleman, NO Haden, need I continue? You basically barely beat a high school JV team. You should be disgusted with yourselves. Boys, it’s time to grab your cute little iPads and review film for the next 48 hours straight. This excludes Jarvis Landry; he gets a pass since he came through clutch for me in fantasy. The rest of you bums can enjoy the slums. If I was Adam Gase’s wife, I’d tell him not to bother even to come home. Sleep in the locker room until you figure out how to produce an NFL caliber team.

How about the NFC East? NYG vs. Washington.
What a fricking game! By far the most entertaining game of the season. Being a Philly fan, I hate to admit this but… damn, oh damn. OBJ, Cruz and the rook, Shepard… what a trio! I’m a bit disappointed that the NFL is so strict on taunting now because I was looking forward to some good ole shit talking between Norman and OBJ again. *SIGH* Oh well, it was still an exciting matchup. I did get a little turned on when OBJ burned Norman on a nice route in the 3rd quarter, though. Let me switch over to Washington. May I begin by asking, “Is this REALLY the team y’all called as the winners of our division?” The Washington Redskins are the biggest fraud team in the league. Cousins fooled you into thinking they were a playoff contending team. Why you guys believe a kid who, excluding tonight’s game, has 3 TDs and 8 interceptions (yes, you read right) between the last 4 matchups with the NYGs, still amazes me. But hey, to each his own! So, who REALLY won the battle between Norman and OBJ? I’m usually not a stat kind of gal.. BUT.. OBJ was targeted 10 times yesterday and was able to not only get his hands on the ball, but turn them into much needed play making gains. OBJ may have took a loss to the kicker’s net but he wins this matchup against Norman from me.

I know you are wondering where the coverage from the Dallas / Chicago game is… Yeah, same here. I may or may not have had one too many drinks during my Philly win celebration and passed out before 8pm. My deepest apologies to my Dallas fans. (That wasn’t sarcastic or anything at all)

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