Cleveland’s Curse, Foster Retires & Houston’s Garbage

Houston, it could be worse. You could be Cleveland…
I was checking over my spreads for this weeks gambling and I stopped again at the Cleveland spread. I honestly had to google to remember who’s actually starting at QB right now. Are they on number 6? My brain hurts trying to configure the math here on the number of guys taking snaps. Pretty sure if the browns called me to be their QB, I’d hang up. I wouldn’t want to mess up my flag football stats anyway. As the QB cursing saga continues in Cleveland, I’m considering starting a petition to remove football from this city all together. It’s doing nothing but wasting my time on Sundays.


Arian Retires…
This was a bit of a surprise yesterday. Shoutout to Foster. The 7 games throughout your career you played in, you killed it. Just kidding, that was an asshole comment. All joking aside, when Foster was healthy, he was amazing. Best wishes to him and his future. Houston will always remember your breakout moments. (Damn, almost made myself shed a tear here)

Your Houston Texans…
I swear I went to start typing and autocorrect typed “sucks”. Even my iPhone hates y’all. No, but really, it’s about time Houston cleans house. Go ahead and start with the GM and work your way down. Everyone needs to go, from the scouting team, the coaching staff, all the way down to the water boy. Get them all out.

Keep Lamar Miller though.. y’all need him. I talked so highly of Fuller after the draft. I thought his speed would contribute to the receiving core the Texans have. Then again, it was also me who kept telling Texans fans to give Osweiler a chance. Since I’m a woman, I’m usually not wrong on too much in life, but Jesus was I completely off or what?! Osweiler needs to double up on his security team because it’s not even safe for this guy to go to the grocery store alone. You just robbed Houston of $72 million. The same Houston who has suffered from QB heartbreaks since the franchise started. I’m not too sure how much more they can take.

Speaking of taking, how about Hopkins career?! Brock has ruined this man’s prime moments. His numbers are down, he has no one to get him the ball. Hell, you can’t even trade him in fantasy for a kicker! Who would have ever thought Hopkins would be on the fantasy bench since week 2? Dear DeAndre, on behalf of this sports-cursed city, I would like to send my sincerest apologies. As soon as another team offers you a contract, email your signature back that same day. I would love to see your full potential and watch you flourish on the field!

As for my Texans fans, I’d be right there by your side, your shoulder to cry on…. except I have my own offense to stress me out in Philly. You know what they say, “No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.” Probably not the best quote after last nights game, but then again, I was never good at consoling the broken hearted.




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